phone rules.

pin.

maybe you're all tired of me talking about my job, or outfalls from my life as a professional communicator, {with an emphasis in phone talking}, but i just have a few more things to get off my chest.

yesterday's 14 second long conversation with my mother {in which i had incredibly good news to share with her} may or may not have been the straw that broke this camel's back. 

1.  don't answer the phone unless you're in a perfect position to talk on it.

i love it when i'm sitting in a meeting and someone will hunch down - as if they're doing us all a favor by being so discreet - to answer their phone and whisper "i'm in a meeting right now... i'll call you back."  duh!  duh, duh, duh! completely unnecessary disruption.  your voicemail greeting probably relays that exact sentiment. "i can't get to the phone right now.  i'll call you back", right?  we've evolved enough as human beings and as phone talkers to connect the "he's-not-answering" and "he-must-not-be-able-to-talk-right-now" dots.  only accept the phone call if you are ready and able.

2.  if you're not going to answer my call, don't bruise my ego by sending me to voicemail after one ring. save me a sliver of dignity by silencing the call while i ride out the other end of the line in full rings.

this is personal preference.  i do feel a little bit guilty when i can't take a call... but, being on the other end, the "she just sent me to voicemail?!" feeling is a bit of a stab to the heart.  pushing the "deny" button on the screen does grant us some sense of entitlement... let's not take advantage of our ability to usurp that power.

3.  don't leave me a message unless you have a message to leave.

"aubry this is your momma.  call me."  DELETE.  i see your missed call.  i love you enough, you're in my inner circle, you have my attention.  i will call you back.  but the process of checking my voicemail, only to be left an empty message.... makes me crazy.  i see that you've called.  i will call you back.

4.  whatever you do, don't click over to answer the other line.

we've been trained to race through the house, leaping across obstacles through every room to answer the phone in 4 rings or less.  we were brainwashed to believe it's life or death critical if we miss an incoming call... probably because there was no record of missed calls.  and now {now, as in - like - the last 20 years} there's an ever-advancing system of call waiting, phone logs, text messages, and advanced voicemail capabilities... making it all a choice!  we chooooose if we take the call.  but somehow, we never let go of the iron clad grasp of jumping to an incoming call.  twenty first century = phone freeeeedom.  whether you've called me, or i've called you, grant me the decency of a conversation.  most likely, that person's not as important as me, anyway.  i jest. {kind of.}

5.  but if you must, don't leave me hanging for 5 minutes.

waste.of.my.time.  and my ear gets hot.

and now, a special message to my mother:

matt, jeff, trevor, brett, dad, your important co-workers and church people: they can wait.  more often than not, it takes us 4636 tries before we actually connect.  you should consider it as lucky as i do that we've successfully made contact onceeverythreeweeks...whenicallyou.  i HATE to be cut off in a flurry of "wait. wait. wait. aubry, aubry, aubry.... let me call you back... click." IT HAPPENS EVERY TIME. i am honored to be the direct offspring of the most important woman in the world, but how am i supposed to learn your ways if you refuse me my rightful phone time? so when you call me back an hour after you've so quickly dismissed me for someone else, i'm usually 3209843232 steps removed from my phone or decidedly too busy to talk on the phone anymore {translation: talking to you has lost its lustre}.

capishe?