Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. ~Dan Bennett
Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. ~Author Unknown
Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. ~Jerry M. Wright
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. ~Larry Lorenzoni
One father is more than a hundred Schoolemasters. ~George Herbert, Outlandish Proverbs, 1640
Are we not like two volumes of one book? ~Marceline Desbordes-Valmore
First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly. ~Branch Rickey
I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius. ~George Carlin, Brain Droppings, 1997
Dad, you're someone to look up to no matter how tall I've grown. ~Author Unknown
Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik
Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once. ~Dave Barry, "Your Disintegrating Body," Dave Barry Turns 40, 1990
Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever. ~Don Marquis
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