my friend ryan.

today marks the fifth anniversary of a crazy day that changed so many people's lives... including my own. i don't think a day's gone by that i haven't thought about what happened on may 4, 2005.

it was a wednesday.

i was in idaho falls for my cousin's wedding.

what are the chances i was in idaho falls in the middle of the week?

weird.

my mom and i were catching up with my uncle larry and his girlfriend sandy in our best western hotel room.

they told us they were going to get married.

happy times.

corrina called. she told me ryan was in an accident.

no details.

i called his apartment.

i walked into the next room to find a quiet space.

......

i walked out of that room with tears streaming down my cheeks.

ryan was unconscious.

broken vertebrae.

and paralyzed.

christopher reeve style.

c1 and c2.

......

i skipped out on the wedding festivities the next morning to go to the hopsital.

a nurse led me to his room.

i stood outside.

something very code blue was happening in that room.

i thought i was watching my friend die.

in shock, i remember a lady walked past me, down the hall, into the room on the end.

i thought "i wish my friend was in that room. she looks nice."

sensing my fright, a nurse asks if she ccould help.

i told her i was waiting to see ryan griffin.

she said, "oh, he's in that room on the end."

mercy.

.....

i met ryan's mom.

terry.

and his dad.

dean.

everyone was in a state of deer-in-the-headlights shock.

not the circumstances anybody could rehearse.

ryan couldn't talk.

or move.

there was an alphabet chart in his room.

to "speak", his dad would point to a letter, beginning with A

ryan would blink once for yes and twice for no to eventually spell a word.

it was a slow and frustrating process.

......

ryan's mom walked me out.

after all, there were family pictures to take

and a wedding cake to assemble.

we fell apart the second we walked out of the room.

like, at the threshhold of the door.

we knew each other for no more than ten minutes.

but as we rode down the elevator

we fought more tears, together.

i said to her, "i've never cried so hard over a boy. and he hasn't even done me wrong."

.....

the wedding photos are dripping with tears.

sorry, carrie.

i cried at the luncheon.

i cried in the mall.

i cried while assembling the wedding cake.

my friend... my DEAR friend...

the tall dark and handsome one

the 6' 3" one who could leap frog over five standing adult

{caught on film, then recorded over with coverage of ronald regan's funeral. bah.}

the one i sat in a movie theater with the week prior

the one all of us shanty girls were determined to make friends with the first day we laid eyes on him

was paralyzed.

.....

my mom was paralyzed for a time.

it's the strangest thing.

she sympathized with ryan's situation.

she sent him a letter.

she reminded him of the story of the currant bush

{my eyes are welling with tears.}

heavenly father is the gardener.

he prunes with a greater purpose in mind.

one that we cannot see.

.....

with a few more visits

and a few more scares

ryan completed everything he could complete at the rehab hospital.

his family moved back to new mexico.

i don't know why, but i knew they weren't going to stay.

when he told me a couple months later that he was moving to utah for better treatment, my reaction was

"naturally"

and then i did somersaults in my mind at the idea of seeing him more often.

.....

i had more to learn from ryan.

more to be reminded of.

e.v.e.r.y.d.a.y. more to be grateful for.

and still,i had the same great friend i had before.

.....

i don't visit enough.

seems like we did alright for a while.

salt lake bees games.

card games til midnight.

sunday afternoon visits.

watching old home videos.

ones where ryan is full bodied and able.

jumping.

throwing.

diving.

maybe life gets busy.

i mean... he DID just graduate from BYU last week.

wwwwhat?

he can't move!

but he can earn a bachelor's degree.

{makes me think we can all do a little better and anything and everything.}

.....

and still

i remind myself that we signed up for this.

we were meant to do hard things.

we have no idea how great our reward will be

but we know it will be great.

especially for ryan.

{when we get to heaven,ryan gets first right of refusal to cut to the front of the line.}