practice.

in case it's news to any of you - i'm not married.

but that doesn't exclude me from participating in functional male/female communication practices on a regular basis. like i've said before, from 8 -5, i live in a male dominated world.

i get the generalizations - women over complicated things, skirt around the issue, and don't cut to the chase.

men speak in simple terms, don't pick up on subtleties, and tell it like it is {and if they have to be told, they like to be told how it is}.

compound that issue by surrounding myself with engineers - who entered the field because they are NOT communicators by hobby like me - and, well... if i want to survive, i have to adapt.

i owe a huge thanks to all of my male co-workers who provide me sooooo much practice. they're gonna make one helluva wife of me someday.

example:

please note: no where in this conversation do i dance around what i want. nor do i rely on my co-worker to pick up on what my intentions are. subtle cues are no where to be seen.

aubry: "you're planning on going to that meeting this afternoon, right?"

co-worker: "mmmmmm.... mmmmmaaybe. i was thinking of going golfing instead."

aubry: "mmmm.... but it's a standing appointment in our calendar. not to mention you bailed on that one really important meeting of mine last week to go golfing... and the one before that, too. i would really appreciate if you came to this meeting."

co-worker: "mmmmmm..... mmmmmaaaybe. i'll let you know. i really want to go golfing."

few hours pass by.

aubry: "can we talk about this for real? are you going golfing or are you going to the meeting you agreed to attend?"

co-worker: "but i didn't get the meeting appointment until monday! i really want to go golfing."

aubry: "i don't want to talk to you any more. not until you realize that you should be at this meeting."
silence.
co-worker: "let me check my schedule. i've got a lot of work to catch up on."

aubry: "don't use that line on me. decide if you're going to golf or attend the meeting you've already agreed to attend."

we go our separate ways.

10 minutes later, after ignoring my co-worker in the hallway, an instant message convo:

co-worker: "okay. okay. okay. okay. okay. okay. i will go to the meeting."

aubry: "part of me feels it appropriate to celebrate this "victory". the other part considers this standard procedure since it wasn't a decision you needed to waste your morning on anyway. and then there's this other part of me that is taking this opportunity as a lesson in communicating with the male gender."

so thank you, male engineers. thank you for making me a more compelling negotiator and for teaching me how to get what i want when i speak directly.