"men are dirtbags": explained.

consider my circumstance. that's all i ask.

29.

single.

head on straight.

and apparently, a suga momma.

i got a text from brooke one night that said, "stop the search. i found your husband."

promising message, right?

so i live like it's 2010 and i kick this off via a facebook friend request.

message no. 1, from me:

"yada yada yada.  is this strange? or is this how it's done in 2010?"

his reply:

"yada yada yada.  brooke tells me you're a suga momma.  fb is fine, but you should text me."

so, we text.

after all, this is how it's done in 2010.

like, even my friends who were married in 2007 think it's weird, but my, my... how times must adapt to the ever accelerating speed of technology.

talking to co-worker greg - who, you know, was married before the car phone - he says, "isn't it hard to read someone's personality in a text?

yes. it. is.

but you can ask anyone: my personality is apparent.  face to face, in facebook status updates, in email, in blog land, in tone, in silence... even in text message convo.

so i did what single girls do in 2010 and i put all my personality out there.

and i had a feeling my future spouse was doing the same thing.

ten messages into it, he told me he was going to law school and i'd only need to be the suga momma a little while longer.

and then there was the time a couple days later when we were discussing our marital arguing techniques and he said, "so are you telling me that when we're married and we're in a fight, you're going to..."

i mean, he put all his personality out there, too, right?!

we're deserving of gold medals for our ability to maximize the craft of a text message.

all of that awkward first date talk? handled.

in 160 characters or less.

at this point, everyone's excited.

brooke sent him the top five reasons why i'm the girl for him

{5. i'm an appropriate level of maintenance}

{4. an ambitious go get 'er}

{3. cute.}

{2. done with school. good job. mature.}

{1. good, strong head on my shoulders.}

jenna and i are creating our celebrity name fusions:

aubjamin?

benry?

benaubjelina?

and i think a handful of my co-workers were fasting and praying on my behalf.

oh... and then there was the conversation he had with brooke about "what if aubry wants to start a family before i'm out of law school?"

lightening speed turning of events. from first fb message to current?  like 2 weeks.

oh, did i mention the date is set for THIS WEEKEND?

the weekend i'm away with family + work business in southern utah.

imagine my surprise when i received this text message upon arrival:

{after all, that's where relationships are formed}

"i need to come out with something.  i'm dating someone.  we've been hanging out for a while but it's gotten more serious.  if you would have been in town last week, i wouldn't have thought anything of it.  sorry aubry.  enjoy your time with your family."

laughable?!

laughable.

i mean... it's not like he was my boyfriend... just my future husband. and it's not like i was practicing my new married signature.  it was just a date.  it's just...

he was dating someone else while joking with me about marital spats and family planning.

now, that's a man i'm sad i missed out on.

it's not that all men are dirtbags, like i proclaimed on facebook...

{while running the risk of earning "scorned woman" status.}

... just the ones i know.

seriously?!

i have a house.  my job's probably better than yours.

you won't need to learn grown up things like transferring utilities into your name or obtaining a mortgage.  i've already done all that.  i don't even complain about taking the cans to the street on garbage night.

i'm sorry to everyone who thought they were going to recieve their financial bonus from my parents this weekend. and the rest of you who thought you'd get a trip, or even a fancy dress, out of this.

not this time.

p.s.  i think... in a round about kind of way, i replied by telling him to go to hell. bad form?