surrendering the title.

sometimes, in moments of panic

i take lightly the grave things of my world

"amid the noise and the haste"

like the constant flow of

incoming calls

visits

places to go

responsibilities to tend to

and the regular maintenance of life

i don't give the real things the proper attention they deserve

but given a minute to breath

to be alone, at last

... not long after i realize the speed at which my mind is racing

and recognize the compounding chaos of too many electronic devices in my ears and on my mind...

say, during an 8 am solo flight on the freeway

i've been known to fall to tears

enough tears to take away all three layers of freshly applied mascara

and to fill the elevator with awkwardness upon entering

despite my best efforts

2010 made me the adult i thought i was exempt from being

i've gone beyond

beyond

beyond

my annual quota of tears

i'm forced to surrender my title of
heartless, emotionless girl who doesn't cry.

the runner up/first attendant can carry out the term of my reign.

i bet her mom doesn't have cancer.