never easy

i've been  thinking about ann a lot lately.  maybe it's the time of year, maybe it's hitting a three month wall, maybe it's just that she was an awesome person and deserves to be thought about all the time.  i miss her a lot.  i know that i didn't get to see her everyday before but it's different now.  knowing that i will never see her again.  people say it get's easier.  it's not easier yet...will it get easier??  i don't know.  how can something so crappy ever be easy?  and when i am feeling down i just think of her family.  how are they feeling if i am feeling this way?  how can they deal with this?  how have they held on and been so strong?  

i remember the last time i saw ann.  like it was yesterday.  she was living in wawa but had decided to move back east.  i was back in wawa after being away at university and had accepted the job in egypt.  i am pretty sure it was june 22, 2008.  we went out to the columbia for open mic night and a "few drinks.  her sister cheryl was there with us, as well as my friends tiffany and heather (and it was heather's birthday).  we drank a lot.  and listened to ann as she sang.  she had such an amazing voice.  then we drank some more and talked about when the next time we would see each other would be.  we talked about meeting back up in newfoundland.  i thought that sounded like a great plan.  her and cheryl were always so much fun together.  they adopted me as the third sister.  i love them both so much!  we hugged at the end of the night and cried a little.  not knowing when we would be together again.  if i had known then what i know now, i never would have let go.  

i smile sitting here thinking about ann.  what a woman.  what a character.  what an inspiration.  

she used to sing "what's going on" by the 4 non blonds to me.  i loved it.  we would sing at the top of our lungs. 

And so I cry sometimes when I'm lying in bed
Just to get it all out what's in my head
And I'm, I am feeling a little peculiar
So I wake in the morning and I step outside
And I take deep breath and I get real high
And I scream from the top of my lungs
What's goin' on?

every time i hear this song, i think of ann.  some days it's harder to listen to than others.  but it will always keep me connected to her.  

.....i miss you ann.