remember when i ran away and left reality {blogging is reality} behind?
i ran away because i was burnt out. which, means i was really really burnt out. because if there's one trait i was blessed with - sass aside - it was the gift to give. and i don't mean that in the self-promoting way. i mean that in the it's-my-achilles-heel kind of way.
i must have said something alarming in a facebook post because not long after i landed in my hotel room, robin checked in with - what i could tell was - concern in the tone of her text message. text messages have tone, dontchyaknow.
i told her i was over it.
over what?
being a better friend to everyone than they are to me.
wait. maybe i'm exaggerating.
no, i get it. i can see how your loyalty would be taken advantage of... tell me more.
it would take 4395467 text messages to tell you how i feel.
email?
see, robin can't talk on the phone. her hoard of wild monkey children scream at the sight of phone-to-ear. even in their sleep, i think. sometimes robin and i make phone appointments where she actually goes off-site, as in - away from home - to talk on the phone. but something that orchestrated only happens annually. it requires months of coordination to get it on our schedules. i even create an agenda.
so i emailed. for three hours i spilled my guts about the things from the bottom of my gut that never intended to come out my fingertips.
key points:
i never expect to get as much as i give.
...
the top of my list is infinite. when you're at the top of my list, you don't know you're sharing it with every single person i know.
...
that means the things on my list get done at 2 a.m.
...
when everyone i know goes home at the end of the day to regroup and reenergize... or even have the "how was your day" conversation... i go home to new wallpaper and 15 pillows on the couch.
...
i have the capacity to give a marathon worth of giving and get by on just one little sip of water for hydration.
...
without that sip, i hit the wall fast and hard.
and then, with all fairness and logic and neutrality and reason, robin's response was simple:
adjust your expectations + adjust where you put effort into your life.
and just like that, i was over it.
